Why do I suck at life? I've begun to wonder about this, recently... Hah, and I sound like some freaky emo kid who thinks the world is terrible, and life is a poem... Ugh. But Becky says that it often helps to write things down, and since I'm too lazy to actually get out my little notebook and scibble this (ugh, stomach suddenly sick for no apparent reason), I'm typing, instead.

Why? Why did I get upset about four different times at Set, for no apparent reason? Well, other than that I didn't read clearly enough. And haven't people been telling me that I don't pay enough attention/am not thorough enough for oh, about the last ten years? Well, maybe eight. Doesn't matter.

But to top it off, the jerk started taking this patronizing tone with me! I wanted to punch him, and I damn well would have called him on it if he wasn't Devia's boyfriend and B wouldn't have gotten pissed at me for being antagonizing. Maybe that wasn't how he meant it, but it sure as hell sounded patronizing. Maybe he thinks I am a moron, I don't know. He probably has a right to, after that. But I don't even want to continue with this thread anymore. It's just going to be a pain in the ass. And... now it's embarassing.

And he couldn't have PM'd me, with his stupid 'oh, you did this wrong' thread instead of leaving it where everyone could see?!?! It's bad enough that I have to be humiliated, but now... now everyone knows I'm a moron. And isn't that just great?!

This is probably a better outlet then venting at B. Then she thinks I'm mad at her, when I'm just ranting in general, not at her. And then I feel bad.

Maybe she should just take me off the admin thing. Hell, people already think I'm an idiot, after that. It really wouldn't make much of a difference, now. Maybe I deserve it, after that.

Maybe I don't deserve to be an admin, just like I probably don't deserve to be a supervisor. God, yesterday. I looked like an idiot in front of Renee and Michelle. I'm going to get demoted. I just know it. It's going to happen. And then I'll have to quit, because I'm not going to be able to handle the gossip and the questions from everyone. But I suck at it, and I know it. I should be better at it by now. I left before whats-his-face was finished in the dishroom, for crying out loud.

God, I'm a moron. Is it bad that it feels good, insulting myself? In a sick sort of way, anyway. But it's true. I probably deserve to get that patronizing tone. And to feel like a moron. I know exactly what I'd say, if I pm'ed him, too.

"Look, I know I've been an idiot about this whole thing, but I don't appreciate you speaking to me in such a patronizing way in the cbox. I also would very much appreciate it if you could PM me next time you have an issue with one of my posts, rather than starting a thread, as it's really not everyone else's business. I don't take well to condescension. I've apologized, each time I messed up, so do me the favor of returning the politeness. Thank you."

Maybe I should talk to Devia about it. That might work. I don't know.